Before I had Hadley I was told by several co workers about crying and being emotional post baby. I did not take this seriously. I thought surely that won’t happen to me..but then it did.
I was calm when after 24 hours of trying to have a baby and I was calm when I was told I would have to undergo a C-section. I was calm during and after the c-section. I thought I was good smooth sailing, those people were crazy. But then it hit me after all the drugs wore off and I wasn’t surrounded by what felt like hundred of people and text messages. I CRIED. I cried because I didn’t know how to ask for a food menu from the nurse. I balled and cried like a 3 year old who didn’t get the last cookie.
Let me back up, I am not a person who cries much. In fact I knew that I should marry my husband because he was the first person I could cry in front of and not feel like I should hide in a corner. So crying over food menu’s was new territory for me.
Since coming home from the hospital and falling off the hormonal roller coaster I thought I was good again. But now I still find myself crying. Only now I find myself crying because I am happy. I am happier than I have ever felt in my life.
I cry because the love I feel for one small human being is completely overwhelming.
I cry because I feel so grateful to have her to snuggle her in my arms and to be her mom.
I cry because I never thought that I wanted to be a mom.
I cry because the love I feel is completely mine.
I cry because I have a very small understanding of God’s love for me as his child.
I cry because I can’t imagine the depth of God’s love to give up his one and only son, Christ, for my sins.
I cry because the idea of ever doing that in my life with my baby sounds impossible.
I cry because I am reminded of how amazing God truly is and how much he means to me.
I love being a mom. But I love being a mom because it has deepened my love and faith for life. And I love being a mom because I have learned that it’s OK to cry. And crying is a beautiful thing.