I love being at home. I am a homebody. Buying our home has been one of my most favorite steps Geoff and I have taken together. My desire when we bought our home was to be able to open our home to people, host fun get togethers, have a place for relatives to stay, raise our children, adopt children and be a family. Our home has been all of these things and more. In the short time of owning our home there has been happiness and sadness, old and new traditions, dreams and reality.
This week has made me increasingly more aware that my maternity leave will end in a month and I will have to leave home and go to work. I don’t want to go back to work I only want to stay at home with Hadley. The feeling is so foreign to me. I find myself desperate to find ways that we could make me staying at home work out financially. But I know that staying home just isn’t the right timing for our family right now (student loans are a blessing and a hinderance). I never thought that when we bought our house I would want to take my “homebodyness” to another level and stay at home with my Hadley.
I know that I am not the only new working mom that feels this way. There’s something about knowing that I have to go back to work that makes me not to go back to work. I just don’t feel ready to go back and I don’t think I will feel ready in another month. Honestly, I don’t think that I will ever be ready. But I know that I am where I am supposed to be and that the hurt of going back to work won’t last forever. I know that that no hurt felt on this earth will last forever. Today I will find comfort in that.